*Trigger warning: mentions drug use

I would like to start by saying to anyone feeling incredibly hopeless about their DPDR experience: after five years with this condition, I am better. By that, I mean - I am able to experience clarity, perspective, space, ease, a sense of self, and, crucially… connection with myself and others. Not all the time, and not always fully, but the fact it is possible is enough. Suffice it to say: Feeling better is possible. There are tools and techniques. There is hope.

The Dissociation Photography Project is something I have been working on for a couple of years now. From 2021 onwards I have been on a journey of self-exploration. Photography is something I was able to find in the midst of my darkest days, my connection to the sunsets, forests and the moon allowed me to start feeling a part of the greater world - us humans are a part of nature, just as much as anything else.

*Trigger warning: mentions mental health and struggles with DPDR*

My name is Emily, I am 29 years old and I have Sensory Processing Disorder and I am Autistic. I live in the UK and have always struggled with my mental health since my early teens. I had never experienced dissociation until September 2020. I described it as having had ‘a flash’ of it (a 'flash’ meaning a feeling which last just a few seconds).

*Trigger Warning: contains references to drug usage, psychological distress and physical health concerns.

When I was 18 years old, I tried cannabis with my then partner. Moments later, I experienced intense panic and a sense of unreality that left me terrified and literally shaking for hours. This state unfortunately persisted for months. Over this time, everything felt distant, like I was in another dimension, or weird dream.

Hi, I’m  Kaitlin, and I have been living with Chronic Depersonalisation and Derealisation Disorder for over 5 and a half years. I only discovered DPDR about a year and a half ago. So, for four years, I was living with it not knowing what was going on. I’m sure the majority of people experiencing DPDR have lived through that ‘not knowing’ phase and understand how scary and confusing it can be. The sad reality is that DPDR is widely experienced (1.93% of the UK population), yet not many people have even heard of it.

For years I hid the fact that I blank out during commutes, can feel myself dissolve in meetings and have trouble navigating the office because I don’t have complete control of my body. But why was I trying so hard to keep my DPDR a secret at work?

It can sometimes feel like we’re living in a world where everyone sees the two faces, and trying to explain the candlestick to others, when you seem to be the only one experiencing its existence, is both difficult and frustrating.

A few years ago, I would have given a much less measured explanation: one with frustration; longing for the world I no longer felt I could touch. Or, I would have just said I was tired!

Since DPDR replaces one’s awareness with a subjective state of unreality, finding a description meaningful to a non-sufferer is elusively difficult. I respect others also enduring and navigating DPDR. My path has included misdiagnosis and being misunderstood. I had to go to a library to discover that I had depersonalisation. Later, I reached the Depersonalisation Unit in London.

Two and a half years ago I had never heard of DPDR. That all changed when I received an email from the Chair of Unreal looking for an accountant to join the charity as a Trustee to help on the finance side and other corporate issues. In essence, the boring stuff – my area of expertise!

My name is Ashley, and I have been suffering with derealisation disorder for 3 years now and only recently got diagnosed this year. It was really hard trying to find out what was wrong with me because everyone I spoke to didn’t really know what it was - until I found out about the Maudsley Hospital, which then I had to get in touch with myself and got an assessment.