Altered States - Part 7: Where My DPDR Comes From
This is the seventh instalment of a 9-part blog series written by Rob.
Trigger Warning: contains references to: psychological distress, sensory issues, out of body experiences and health anxiety.
When I first started to understand more about DPDR, I also began to understand more about brain physiology and how adaptable and changeable the brain is, even learning the term for this - ‘neuroplasticity’. It’s always changing, growing, and adapting. When we injure ourselves, for example a sprained ankle, we might develop a limp and our bodies will adapt and shift balance to compensate. If the brain is in one operative mode for a prolonged period, it will start to change its structure to adapt to that mode longer term. Particularly the most basic and animalistic parts. I’m far from an expert on any of this, but I’ve learnt this area of the brain is known as the ‘limbic system’ and is linked to everything from emotions and long-term memory to behaviour and survival instinct.
These are what’s known as the ‘reptile brain’ i.e. The ancient, basic part that controls many instinctual behaviours. The ‘Amygdala’ is a key structure in the limbic system, central to the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response. It kicks in and takes over at times of high stress.
When constantly on alert the amygdala can actually grow in size and become more active, overtaking more rational parts of the brain that would normally bring balance and logic. The amygdala being more active means you’re more on edge all the time, which in turn causes the amygdala to be ‘on’ more of the time. It becomes an endless feedback loop. There is one small comfort in learning how adaptable the brain is and how it can grow and change size.
As I’ve witnessed my mind changing and growing to a new unhelpful structure (DPRD, PTSD, Anxiety), hopefully that means with time, work, and awareness, it could also regrow and revert to a more rational and beneficial structure.
The Amygdala is a very interesting part of the brain that developed back when humans weren’t the top of the food chain. They often relied on aggression or fear to overcome problems and needed to be constantly ready to react by either running away, fighting, curling up in a ball or playing dead. Prehistorically and even just centuries ago, it was useful as we never knew when a sabre tooth tiger might leap from a nearby cave, a philistine neighbour might want to batter your head in to steal your favourite shell necklace or a marauding band of Norsemen might raid, pillage, and brutalise the small village you call home. But that tends not to happen much in the 21st century, as apex predators generally don’t roam unimpeded, social norms and the threat of prison damp down unnecessary aggression and Scandinavians are all generally very lovely.
Unfortunately, our physiology and neurology hasn’t caught up with the fact most of us no longer live in a world where we need to be permanently in a state of hyper awareness or alert.
But it makes perfect sense that if part of the brain has already processed traumatic experiences and is now constantly on high alert and finding threats around every corner, that it will continue to reinforce those reactions and keep bringing up our old friend ‘trauma’.