This is the eighth instalment of a 9-part blog series written by Rob.
Trigger Warning: contains references to: psychological distress, sensory issues, out of body experiences and health anxiety.
I’m afraid I don’t have any answers or miracle cures. I still experience derealisation pretty much constantly. It’s lessened and ebbs and flows, but it’s still there. Sometimes during periods of overwhelm it’s worse and more pronounced. Other times it’s less evident. I know how I used to feel and how I perceived the world before, and I still don’t feel like that. But I’ve learnt to live with it and to live with myself. I think acceptance is an important part of adapting. In my case, that has meant learning more about myself and finding some peace with who I am and how I inhabit the world.
I find one of the many ways to reduce or interrupt the unhelpful loop my amygdala causes, is by reducing stress and anxiety. But if and when anxiety is also being fed by being in a depressed state, it can make it harder to break the loop, so for me a way to alleviate that was through using medication at times. In my case, low dose SSRI antidepressants, namely Sertraline (prescribed as Zoloft in the USA). It helps take the edge off occasional creeping anxiety which can elevate stress and worsen the derealisation and also softens depression and low mood.
I’ve learnt to slow down and take more time for self-care in any way I feel might help. I’m far more aware of my mental health and my mood and emotions, which isn’t something I’d really done before, I’d just ‘get on with it’ and hope for the best. It sounds trite but I’ve realised taking care of my mental health is as important as my physical health, sometimes more so. What works for me tends to be having an array of tools and techniques available to call on, as there isn’t a single silver bullet that fixes everything.
Self-care in general and being more aware of my mental well-being and mental health is vital. Whether that’s getting enough sleep or trying to exercise often. Sometimes meditation, mindfulness exercises or doing yoga can help focus my attention and distract me from emotions and stress to just ‘be’ can help. But learning to switch of my subconscious or inner monologue and down-regulate is an ongoing process.
Seeing a therapist knowledgeable and well versed in DPDR, to help guide me and help my understanding of the condition has been invaluable. They’ve also helped process and understand some of the underlying issues and causes which may have played a part in triggering DPDR. I’ve been amazed how few medical practitioners have any knowledge of DPDR, even resorting to giving some a handout explaining the condition, so finding experts who understand it is vital.
At times it felt like my world was crumbling, but inside, underneath this new way of experiencing and feeling, I learnt I was still ‘me’. It’s just how I interact, see, and experience the world around me changed. Imagine wearing coloured glasses all the time, everything would look slightly tinted. When those glasses come off, things suddenly change and look different, but we’re still the same person, even though perception has altered.
To anyone who is experiencing DPDR take it from someone who knows - you are still the same person you always were.